Tag: Funny

Best Search Result to Find My Blog Ever!!!

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In my stats on who viewed my blog, I see lots of interesting things. People from a lot of different countries finding my blog and some of them even spending a significant amount of time reading my random posts.

Tonight, I found the creme de la creme of search referrals (I think that is the right way to write that, really not sure). Someone searched for “salt and water induced puking” and my blog shows up as the second result on this list. Made me bust out laughing. All because of “The Tour“. Makes what I witnessed that night all the more memorable.

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Stumbling Around the Internet

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So I found this little add-in program called Stumble for Firefox that you tell it some of your interests and then you can click a button and it will take you to a random website related to your interests. It is an amazing way to waste a lot of time. Here is some of what I found…

Here’s one of the videos…

I also highly recommend the Live Action Stop Motion Music Video.

Most of these are just pictures or photo collections, but there are some sites in here that you can really waste some time on. Enjoy!

Photography
The Earth at Night from SpaceA Splash of Color
Niagara Falls from the Sky
A Lot of Cool Pictures
Lightning Strike
Orange Moon
Camels from the Sky (Look VERY closely, this is much cooler than you initially think)
Digital Photography 101
360 Degree View of Mount Everest
Random Good Photos (I’m partial to the kid on the slide… looks scared silly)

Astronomy
Song/Animation about Earth being in Space
Hubble Telescope Site
Center of the Galaxy
A Record in the Sky
Pictures of Space
More Pictures of Space
The Eagle Nebula
Venus and the Moon During the Day
Nova’s The Elegant Universe Home Page
Galactic Collision

Videos
Live Action Stop Motion Music Video
Playing with Fire… A Science Experiment
Head Banging 101
Fun with Stick Figure Physics
Alternative Music Videos (Check out Right Here, Right Now – Fatboy Slim)
Not Really Sure How To Describe This
Microwave Experiment
Mahna Mahna

Random
Ever Think “I wish the movie ended this way?”
Ultra Condensed Movies
Superhero Thanksgiving Wishes
Rules for Men (not Man Laws)
40 Things that Only Happen In Movies
History of Toilet Paper
Hubble & God

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The Tour

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No, I’m not talking about that tour, but the Tour De Franzia. Franzia as in the boxed wine. Last weekend I witnessed some of the most self destructive behavior I’ve seen, and boy was it fun.

67 people participated in the tour on teams of 9 or 10 people each. The competition started with each team being issued three eggs that needed to survive the trip to the finish line. The first challenge for each team consisted of finishing off 3 giant pixie sticks. Then they had to drink a 5 liter box of white wine and each team member had to then draw a turkey hand. As they left their house, they had the choice of transporting 100 pounds of water already in container, 50 pounds of sand that needed to put into a container, 50 pounds of salt that needed to put into a container, rocks and bowling pins, popcorn, leaves, a limp person or put someone into a rolling trash can and make their way to the next house. Meanwhile, 3 members would be blind folded and would need to be led to the next house. The next house was 12 to 15 blocks away… I’m not completely sure.

At the second house, they needed to show their hand turkeys to gain admission to the house and could start drinking their 5 liter box of red wine. Anytime someone yelled shenanigans whoever was standing needed to sit and vice versa. They then had to use 3 rolls of TP to turn someone into a mummy. On their way to the 3rd house, four members had to be skipping at all times while another member was being dragged on a sled. The sleds I saw looked like garbage can lids and there was no snow on the ground.

At the third house they had to present their eggs, eat a block of cheese (roughly the size of a brick) without their hands and then drink a 5 liter box of blush wine. First team done would win.

There were some other rules as well…. spill any wine, they had to drink the amount spilled in liquor. Each racer received one free puke, after that puke, they had to do a shot for each additional puke. Their could be no self induced puking. Spill water, sand, popcorn, leaves, do a shot. Break an egg, do a shot.

The also had rules about general safety. for crossing streets, staying together in groups for the girls (and guys who weren’t any bigger than girls.) The final rule… Don’t drink so much that you die. Coming close is fine, but no hospitals.

Needless to say, this was hilarious to watch. They spent 45 minutes explaining the rules that were typed up on 4 pages and color coded for quick reference for a competition that lasted less than 30 minutes for the victorious team. Each team had a judge to ensure that the teams completed each task to its completion. Each house had a judge to oversee everything. They had people running around video taping and photographing it for prosperity. Well organized and well thought up chaos. As the competition finished up, pretty much everyone involved was puking after their team completed. I’ve never seen so many people puking at the same time.

I by no means recommend doing this and I have no plans to do this myself. Each team consumed 15 liters of wine and I guess the typical bottle is 750 ml which amounts to about 2 bottles per person in about 30 minutes. That’s a consumption rate of 4 bottle per hour. You can get drunk on 4 drinks an hour.

Once again, very fun to watch.

One last comment… when I told my roommate about this, she did comment that they did have more really drunk people than normal show up at the hospital that night. Wonder if it is a correlation?

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The Duck Story

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So this past Thursday I was out skiing in the bay. In the fall (I still have a hard time saying that), there just seems to a few more birds on the water. Don’t know why. So much like with the pigeons from Seinfeld, boats seem to have a deal with the waterfowl. As the boat comes through, they get out of the way of the boats and we just mumble under our breaths at all the crap they leave on our dock.

So I’m footing behind my boat, moving along at 41 MPH or so. There is a flock of ducks on the water that we’re coming up on that I’m keep my eyes on. They scatter for the boat, but one moves just clear of the boat and directly into my line. Now, much like in NASCAR (at least according to Days of Thunder), this is kinda like a car wreck so I’m thinking “just go straight through.” There are still several ducks scattered about and trying to slalom my way through just isn’t a realistic option. I’m moving at 41 MPH and there is only about 90 feet between me and the boat. Not sure on the exact math, but that doesn’t give me much time to react.

Now I’m moving along directly towards the duck that is just kind of floating there. As I approach closer, it sees me coming directly towards it and starts swimming which is good. Except it starts swimming the same direction I’m going. It isn’t going 41 MPH. So I’m thinking a typical barefoot stance is about shoulder width apart roughly. The duck isn’t going to fit between my feet. At least not easily. I obviously don’t want to hit the duck. A) This is bad for the duck and B) hitting the duck would be bad for me. I could potentially break a foot, ankle, knee, leg, etc and I’m just not ready to call it a season yet.

So I get to thinking, the duck is swimming, it isn’t that big. I’m about 20 feet from it now and I decide to widen my stance so it is about 4 feet wide. I wanted to get wide, but not too low because the duck might remember that it can fly too. The duck starts to swerve just a bit, but not much, just enough where I need to move a little bit to keep it centered and I straddle the duck. To the best of my knowledge, I didn’t touch it. I didn’t feel any feathers on my ankles or legs.

The spotter, Seven, who’s watching this, went from a look of “oh shit he’s gonna hit a duck” to laughing his ass off. John, who’s driving also sees this in the mirror and I could tell he’s laughing too. They could both see clear as day that I straddled it.

I resumed my normal stance and just kept on going.

Maybe this duck thought it was a squirrel?

BTW, ask John about his duck stories. He’s got a couple of them.

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Did they mean to rip off the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

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Bistromathematics. The Onion continues to impress with the news reporting skills. In one of their most recent stories they talk of scientists successfully splitting their bill. This story was reminded me of a portion of Life, the Universe and Everything (a book in the Hitchhiker’s trilogy) where their only way to power some portion of the space ship was to use “bistromathematics” or something like that. So besides just the story being very entertaining on its own accord, whether or not they intended, the unreferenced story makes it even better for me.

“Oooooh yeaaahhhh!“I wish the Macho Man Randy Savage would just go away.

Aliens gave us Tivo? Seems like we have uncovered the origin of Tivo and its ubiquitous sound. It came from space. Now I use a ReplayTV (much like a Tivo, just better) but this is just too interesting to not pass along.

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Repeat Offender Serving 7 to 10 Minutes

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Yet more proof that The Onion is America’s Finest News Source… “In this corner, you have plenty of time to think.” And there is more that is even better…

In other news, apparently, the next time I make my way to Boston, MA in the summer, I should be able to find some people to ski with. Seems there is a group of dedicated water skiers that formed the Dorchester Bay Club that like to ski in Boston Harbor on Wednesday night. And no, I’m not making this up. You can read the story here. I personally love the photo with the story. Dude looks like he is struggling to stay up on two. Love the enthusiasm to go skiing there.

I’ve found the TV that I want to have at my house. Notice I didn’t say in my house. I don’t think it’d fit. This TV measures 134 by 55. And those measurements are in feet. I could set it up in my backyard, install a new giant picture window to watch it through. Pretty sweet. It is HD too! Comes with a stadium quality sound system and goes for a mere $8 million. Best part is, my yard is wide enough to hold it in the back. Not sure I could afford the electricity to run it though.

Finally, now that the Little League World Series is over and the NFL hasn’t quite started yet, if you are looking for something sports related to watch, check out the US Open. Yes, that is tennis I’m talking about. Looking for some reasons to watch, go here. You just might find yourself interested. In other news, I watched a total of about 5 innings of the LLWS and 1 quarter of preseason football (all of the football tonight). I’m still too busy skiing and partaking in sports to sit back and watch them.

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Cleaning Out the Inbox – Sparrows, Footstock, Nessie and Motocross

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Lots of random things from my inbox… Mostly from the worlds finest news source. All worth reading.

Sparrow Aviation blames glass for death… A while back I wrote about the birds that were flying into my windows. Well it turns out that I’m not the only one that views this as a problem. According to the fine reporters at The Onion, apparently sparrows view this as a problem too. Go check out this very good story.

WIKI. I’ve also seen articles about students that use the wikipedia as their only source of information for reports that they do. What they don’t realize is that the wiki isn’t always right. Now we have proof.

Nessie. Everyone remember the Lochness Monster of old. Well apparently, there really were Lochness monsters of old. I mean really old. They found skeletal remains of creatures that bear a very strong resemblance to Nessie down in the Australian Outback. So maybe Nessie is real? You can go here and come to your own conclusions.

Woods? Apparently Tiger thinks everyone let him win the European Open. You can read the official story over at our friends The Onion again.

Motocross. Ever get the feeling that the guys (and gals?) that compete in motor cross just might not have a firm grasp on the world. Well here is the articles that confirms that. Apparently, the one of the guys decided to keep going on his education and learned a little physics and now he realizes that the fact that he didn’t kill himself in his sport is a miracle.

Wired for Sight. Ever wonder exactly how much bandwidth is needed to transmit the data that your eyes interpret to your brain? No? Well apparently someone did because now we know. It is just a little shy of 10 Megabits. Not sure what 10 Megabits is? Most networks now are 100 Megabits and most wireless connection max out around 54 Megabits. Needless to say, we are all pre-wired with a pretty good network connection between our eyes and our brains.

92. Know what that number means? If you follow the Packers, hopefully the first thing that came to mind is Reggie White. He is being enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame this weekend. Here is a good retrospective on him. Check it out.

TMQ. One of the best parts of the pro football season, at least to me, is reading the very unique commentary of Gregg Easterbrook. He writes an article titled Tuesday Morning Quarterback, currently published on ESPN.com. Needless to say, he writes a very unique style of writing about football. For example, in the first article of the year he points out that in this year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, he determined that of the 123 women portrayed in photos inside the magazine, 63 of them were wearing less than a complete swimsuit. He is always full of unique and interesting factoids. Go read the first article of the year and then stop back each week for more. Usually published late Tuesday morning.

Footstock. Finally, the sport of waterskiing got some real live press in a real live widely read publication. You can my rants about the lack of this earlier over here and here. OK, maybe it wasn’t live, but it was a widely read publication. The NY Times to be exact. It seems that the little town of Crandon, WI hosts an event worthy of the Times coverage. Crandon is the home of Footstock, THE endurance barefoot figure eight race to compete it. It features the largest cash prize and the most competitors. Why do the call if Footstock? Seems it is just as much a party atmosphere as the Woodstock was, but the party is about barefooting. Overall, it was a pretty good article, I just can’t get over the photo they chose to run at the top. The footer has just about the worst barefoot form one could have. Legs straight out, bent forward at the waist. Only time this position would really be OK is if you had just completed a ridiculously long run and were dead tired.

On your right, the Chuck Norris Bridge. Yes, that could be something you just might hear if you go to Budapest, Hungary on a tour. Seems they are letting the people pick a famous person to name the bridge after. Who new the Texas Ranger was that popular in Hungary? He is currently leading with 11% of the vote. I would have thought maybe the Mr. T Bridge would be a better choice. I Pity the Fools who get to live on Walker Way near the Norris Bridge. (That was just a really cheesy line so I could type in Pity the Fool… seems that is a made for TV movie coming soon.)

Must-ski Lounge? Well, that’s it for today. Check back soon for some a recap of my adventures from last weekend. Tried a tumble turn, did an obscene amount of skiing over the course of 12 hours, and went to watch the D2 State Champs put on a show at a great little bar in Fox Lake, WI in weather that was way too hot. We partied till late in the night and had way too much fun.

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More Random Thoughts

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Yes, I know I promised a recap of this past weekend, and it will be done soon. I just want to do the weekend justice. Here are some random thoughts and observations to hold you until I get the update done…

Bartending Big Brother – So I saw an article a while back that is sure to make every bartender just ecstatic. Turns out someone invented a little chip that measures that tilt and duration of pours from bottles to track how much alcohol has been dispensed. Together in conjunction with the point of sale system, it knows if the bartenders are making the drinks correctly and ringing them all in.

The Most UN-PC Movies Ever – Found another interesting article about the most politically incorrect movies of all time. I agreed with most of the list. Blazing Saddles and Team America are on there along with There’s Something About Mary. I thought it made for a funny read. Go check it out.

56 Inches of Delight – Here’s a TV that I’d like to have… I’d like to find my HDTV by the football season, just don’t think it’s going to happen that quick. Maybe by Christmas. This is a TV that I’ll be looking at. Looks sweet!

Window Replacement – The building I’m in at work is undergoing some renovations to make it a little nicer to work in. The other day we got an email about what would be going on and here is a quote from it:

The windows to be replaced are identified by the orange paper taped to the inside of them. Please don’t be alarmed if someone removes a window while you are sitting next to it or in a conference room. It’s legit as long as they put in a new one.

I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s only legit as long as they put in a new one.

Funny Money in Monopoly – Now I’m not talking about Microsoft’s control of the PC universe, I’m talking about the board game. Seems that keeping track of money using paper money just isn’t fun anymore. So they updated the game to use electronic debit like cards. All your money is kept in a little plastic card using an electronic reader. Now, this is pretty neat, but isn’t part of playing board games about learning things. Monopoly was always good for learning to track your money and budget it, making change, etc. and they completely took it out of the game. What about scamming the bank and hiding money or stealing from the bank… They too have been taken out of the game.

Switching Teams – Turns out Ms. Patrick, that chick that drives cars really, really fast decided to stay in the Indy Racing League, like I thought she wood. She is switching teams (pun intended) and I wish her the best of luck. I just didn’t pick her new team correctly.

Finally, congrats to the bicyclist named Landis. Seems after having a really bad day and falling 8+ minutes off the lead and everyone writing him off, he decided to come back, kick but and take names. He truly had one of the most remarkable comebacks ever. Not going to link to a specific story because there are thousands about this on the net. Go find one yourself.

Sorry in advance for the lack of pictures, you’ll get plenty in my upcoming state tourny recap!!!

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Wear Pants and Meet Jack?

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Here are some random thoughts from throughout the day…

First up, the Tour de Lance, er France I mean. The news today was that American Floyd Landis has taken the lead in the Tour. Besides taking the lead on what they are calling one of the most difficult stages (kind of like Lance kicking but in the mountains), he’s doing it with a bad hip that will need to get not just fixed, but replaced. Which makes this even more impressive. Now I don’t follow bicycling enough to know much more than what I see on ESPN or OLN, but go Landis! [Landis image from FoxSports.com/Franck Fife/AFP/Getty Images]

Next up, Do You Know Jack? As in Jack the radio station! Apparently Jack is now two years old as a format and is doing well. What’s the format you ask? You pick a bunch of really good songs from the past 30 years or so and play them in a convoluted order, I mean thoroughly researched order for maximum effect. Besides the huge play list, they did away with the DJs and just use brief voiceovers. The Jack format as it is called is actually very specific. If you want your station to be a Jack you need to follow specific guidelines regarding pretty much everything about your station. It seems to be surprising station programmers that listeners want to hear a wide variety of music of vary styles and contrasts (other than all being good) and very few repeats. Play 1000+ different songs instead of 300 songs focusing in on just the top 40 of those (i.e. play 80 songs and 40 of them are the core rotation sprinkling in the other 260 in occasionally.)

If you live in the Mad-town, you actually get to listen to Jack’s cousin Charlie. If you get XM you can also listen to Jack’s distant relatives Ethel, Lucy and Fred.

Meanwhile over on the race tracks, it seems Ms. Danica Patrick is contemplating a move from the IRL to NASCAR. If she makes the move, she is obviously going to get even more press from the more races. Now Mr. Whitlock over at ESPN believes she should stay in the IRL, just jump to a different team to get the best equipment, then kick ass and take names. After winning a race or two over in the IRL, then jump to NASCAR and repeat. This sounds like a good idea to me. Although if she jumps to a new IRL team, like the Target team, we may get even more Danica time. She’d be a good spokeswoman for Target. For some reason, I just don’t see that many commercials for Argent Mortgage, but I see those damn red dots of Target all the time.

How could she not be a good spokesmodel? [ESPN.com/Chris Carlson/AP Photo]

Finally, over in England, apparently the police force are launching an advertising campaign to get women to wear nice pants when they go out to the bars. Not just pants, but nice pants (Dockers may have a law suit they could win here). From the sound of it, they have a problem with women drinking till they are drunk, stumble out of the bar, pass out drunk in the street wearing short skirts that ride up and expose more than they’d probably like. The kicker is that in addition to wearing nice pants, they are recommending that the women get waxed too! Think I’m making this up, I’m not. Here is the article from Reuters.

[Update] Here’s a bonus story about some really stupid criminals.

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Breaking News: Microsoft Patents Ones and Zeroes

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News Summary:

As a result of the Microsoft patent, many other companies have begun radically revising their product lines: Database manufacturer Oracle has embarked on a crash program to develop “an abacus for the next millennium.” Novell, whose communications and networking systems are also subject to Microsoft licensing fees, is working with top animal trainers on a chimpanzee-based message-transmission system. Hewlett-Packard is developing a revolutionary new steam-powered printer.

Get the full text of the news story here.

Ok, so maybe it isn’t breaking news anymore (it’s from 1998) or really not even news (it’s from The Onion) but it was damn funny at the time. Hope you enjoy it.

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