No, I’m not talking about that tour, but the Tour De Franzia. Franzia as in the boxed wine. Last weekend I witnessed some of the most self destructive behavior I’ve seen, and boy was it fun.

67 people participated in the tour on teams of 9 or 10 people each. The competition started with each team being issued three eggs that needed to survive the trip to the finish line. The first challenge for each team consisted of finishing off 3 giant pixie sticks. Then they had to drink a 5 liter box of white wine and each team member had to then draw a turkey hand. As they left their house, they had the choice of transporting 100 pounds of water already in container, 50 pounds of sand that needed to put into a container, 50 pounds of salt that needed to put into a container, rocks and bowling pins, popcorn, leaves, a limp person or put someone into a rolling trash can and make their way to the next house. Meanwhile, 3 members would be blind folded and would need to be led to the next house. The next house was 12 to 15 blocks away… I’m not completely sure.

At the second house, they needed to show their hand turkeys to gain admission to the house and could start drinking their 5 liter box of red wine. Anytime someone yelled shenanigans whoever was standing needed to sit and vice versa. They then had to use 3 rolls of TP to turn someone into a mummy. On their way to the 3rd house, four members had to be skipping at all times while another member was being dragged on a sled. The sleds I saw looked like garbage can lids and there was no snow on the ground.

At the third house they had to present their eggs, eat a block of cheese (roughly the size of a brick) without their hands and then drink a 5 liter box of blush wine. First team done would win.

There were some other rules as well…. spill any wine, they had to drink the amount spilled in liquor. Each racer received one free puke, after that puke, they had to do a shot for each additional puke. Their could be no self induced puking. Spill water, sand, popcorn, leaves, do a shot. Break an egg, do a shot.

The also had rules about general safety. for crossing streets, staying together in groups for the girls (and guys who weren’t any bigger than girls.) The final rule… Don’t drink so much that you die. Coming close is fine, but no hospitals.

Needless to say, this was hilarious to watch. They spent 45 minutes explaining the rules that were typed up on 4 pages and color coded for quick reference for a competition that lasted less than 30 minutes for the victorious team. Each team had a judge to ensure that the teams completed each task to its completion. Each house had a judge to oversee everything. They had people running around video taping and photographing it for prosperity. Well organized and well thought up chaos. As the competition finished up, pretty much everyone involved was puking after their team completed. I’ve never seen so many people puking at the same time.

I by no means recommend doing this and I have no plans to do this myself. Each team consumed 15 liters of wine and I guess the typical bottle is 750 ml which amounts to about 2 bottles per person in about 30 minutes. That’s a consumption rate of 4 bottle per hour. You can get drunk on 4 drinks an hour.

Once again, very fun to watch.

One last comment… when I told my roommate about this, she did comment that they did have more really drunk people than normal show up at the hospital that night. Wonder if it is a correlation?